Season 1: Eastbound and Down Chapter 2
Kenny Powers Quotes
No, dude. This is a real job. It’s not like teaching kids, you can’t get f*cked up.
These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, and also include readings from the famous audiobook “You’re F*cking Out, I'm F*cking In”.
I’m trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I’m just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.
A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen before. You know that’s how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone’s backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.
It seems to me an establishment such as this could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game. I’m talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning f*cking monkey. I’m talking about goddamn me in the store, live, un-cut, in person, bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.
Example A: I could stand to lose four, maybe five pounds to get back into practical game condition.
Don’t rev my sh*t. I’m trying to do something serious here. I don’t need you going f*cking maverick on me.
I throw one to him, next thing you know I’m at the grocery store, the bar, the titty club, and every dumb motherf*cker I pass is asking me to smoke one for ’em. I can’t open myself up to that.
Why is there silver sh*t all over your face? [I was hanging out with those dudes in the parking lot] Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?
It was the eggrolls, not the ecstasy.
There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big t*ts.
Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook
One time I was invited to come to a social gathering. I was paid a handsome amount of money, and I bought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray and showed those people the best f*cking time they’ve ever seen.
The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it - making sh*tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way in case one day you’re not famous you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.