Season 1: Eastbound and Down Chapter 6
Kenny Powers Quotes
If you need me I’ll be cruising in my Escalade, err — Denali.
These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, and also include readings from the famous audiobook “You’re F*cking Out, I'm F*cking In”.
This is seriously the best wave of good sh*t that has ever happened in my whole life. I knock out Mackworthy’s eye, then I see April’s big-ass tits and have sex to her. It’s like all the horrible, disgusting sh*t I had to put up with here is finally paying off.
I made the mistake of leaving you behind before, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna do it again. f*ck all that fine Cuban p*ssy. Your olive skin bests that any day of the week. I’m doing it right this time. We’re doing it together.
So as I was saying, the amount of money I am gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That’s what I’m gonna be doing every single night - dolla, dolla bills, y’all...
I’m going to be signing a personalized headshot for each and every one of you. The only thing I would ask, is that you have your name prepared. Because I don’t wanna have to ask the same question 30 f*cking times.
When I’m gone, you need to look after this place, man. I mean this is our hometown. This sh*thole helped shape us. You must guard it and protect its royal vagina.
And please, please, please don’t let the fact that Ms. Carol is a lesbian put you off to her. You know how you all think there are 2 kinds of lesbians? There’s the kind on Cinemax that get it on and are hot, and there’s the mean kind? Well, Ms. Carol is neither of those.
I mean, no offense, but you got a sh*tty job, you’re not quite as tall as me, nobody really respects you. You have me on the other hand. I got the glory, I got the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali. Getting drunk on the reg, f*cking good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg... Basically all the sh*t that most guys fantasize about.
I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to kiss on her pussy, your fiancee. That happened too...
You know, Stevie, when I first met you, I’ll be honest with you, you were a little bitch.... But now I’m looking at you, and to me you seem like a dude who knows what’s up. You don’t take sh*t from anybody, you smoke weed on the reg. Quite frankly, you’re somebody I’m proud to know. And you’re somebody who deserves whole hell of alot more than just being an assistant.
Kenny Powers School Farewell Speech
No audiobook from this episode. So instead here is the final farewell speech:
Being a man of my stature, walking in here on day one was the lowest point of my life, but now I realize that God had a purpose. God wanted to show me hell, so that when I got back to heaven, I would finally appreciate it. And for that, I’d like to thank each and every one of you.
Because without that knowledge, without that lesson, I never would have been able to .... What the f*ck man, man? I’m trying to give a memorable speech here.
I was your savior. I was your knight in shining armour. In each of you, were the chinks upon my armour. Each of you were the chinks. You all were the chinks! Remember me, my chinks...