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Season 2: Eastbound and Down Chapter 8

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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No, not like a showman... Part entertainer, yes of course... But I kinda consider myself more like a retired gunfighter, being called out of retirement for one more f*cking showdown.

These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, and also include readings from the new, yet to be released audiobook being recorded in Mexico.

I got this comeback locked down tight, like a little girl's tuna. [we'll see about that, huh?] This is totally locked down tight, like a girl's private parts ... who's small ... Lockeroom talk, baby.

It looks like sh*t. What the hell is he doing, printing that from a JPG? Motherf*cker needs to be using TIFF files, dude. My face looks all computery and damn pixelated.

Now this Friday night, I guarantee you, it is gonna be the biggest goddamn comeback celebration any y'all have ever seen. There's gonna be people cheering, and screaming, and spotlights, and fireworks. I wouldn't even doubt if there's a couple chicks showing their f*cking p*ssies off.

I wouldn't doubt if some of the muchachas show their panochas off. They might show their panochas off. They might be waving their panochas all over the place.

Remember, there is no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in c*nt. So don't be little jealous c*nts, ok?

Let me get the praise, and just be satisfied with the fact that you will get the run-off panocha.

This is me every night, dude. Just staring at buttholes, and gettin' a buzz on.

No, I was using an alias. Steve to me, just kinda seems like the name of somebody who has absolutely nothing going on in their life.

This is a dangerous place, Stevie. If you were to stay here, I can't guarantee that you'd make it home alive. You would not only be responsible for watching your own back, but also mine. You'd also be responsible for doing alot of my personal errands, more than likely my laundry.

Welcome to the resistance.

Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook

Kenny Powers Audiobook

Over the course of my career, I've played on many different teams — some I liked, and some I really f*cking hated. I am not mentioning any names, but let's just say that Seattle can tongue-kiss my sh*thole. The best way to get a new team on your side is to trash the last team you played for. Talk sh*t about how their fans suck, and their women have pancake t*tties.

And if that doesn't work, then just like prison, you pick the biggest, baddest dude on the team, and you kick him in his f*cking teeth.

On the long road to grief recovery, don't be surprised if you've got to spill a little blood to get sh*t fixed. With all great comebacks, somebody usually gets f*cked.

Sometimes being on the mend can get old real quick. Like when you're doing all this awesome sh*t to show motherf*ckers that you're cool now. And one day, you realize that maybe the person you are truly trying to fix yourself for has moved the f*ck on. And there you are, left in the midst of a battle, that suddenly means nothing.

Buy Kenny Powers Merchandise

Kenny Powers T-shirts
Kenny Powers T-shirts

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Kenny Powers Bobble Head
Kenny Powers Bobble Head

Kenny Powers talking bobble head
features 5 quotes from the show.

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2014 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2014 MLB Major League Baseball.