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Season 1: Eastbound and Down Chapter 2

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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No, dude. This is a real job. It’s not like teaching kids, you can’t get f*cked up.

These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, and also include readings from the famous audiobook “You’re F*cking Out, I'm F*cking In”.

I’m trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I’m just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.

A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen before. You know that’s how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone’s backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.

It seems to me an establishment such as this could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game. I’m talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning f*cking monkey. I’m talking about goddamn me in the store, live, un-cut, in person, bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.

Example A: I could stand to lose four, maybe five pounds to get back into practical game condition.

Don’t rev my sh*t. I’m trying to do something serious here. I don’t need you going f*cking maverick on me.

I throw one to him, next thing you know I’m at the grocery store, the bar, the titty club, and every dumb motherf*cker I pass is asking me to smoke one for ’em. I can’t open myself up to that.

Why is there silver sh*t all over your face? [I was hanging out with those dudes in the parking lot] Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?

It was the eggrolls, not the ecstasy.

There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big t*ts.

Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook

Kenny Powers Audiobook

One time I was invited to come to a social gathering. I was paid a handsome amount of money, and I bought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray and showed those people the best f*cking time they’ve ever seen.


The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it - making sh*tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way in case one day you’re not famous you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.

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Kenny Powers T-shirts
Kenny Powers T-shirts

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Kenny Powers Bobble Head

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